Monday, January 16, 2012

More Meaning in Life

Two weeks with no Facebook and I may be cured.  Okay, maybe it's not an illness but it is an addiction and I am glad to have shed it even if only for a month.  I would love to remain deactivated but I must say I do miss a few people and know I will probably return.  So my new thing that is quickly getting old is Pinterest.  I believe my problem lies in the fact that it, along with many blogs I read, are all about making things and buying things.  Don't get me wrong I enjoy both but I am at a major stage in my life where all that striving seems an inch deep.  We are obsessed with DIY projects and the coolest outfit and what is that really about.  I am a right brained, create something kind of person, if you read past blogs of mine you will see, but I really am questioning it all right now.  How many scarves do I need to knit?  Paintings paint? Recipes make?  before I find that place of true accomplishment?  I know.....maybe I am having a mid life crisis, I will be the big 4-0 this year, but in all truth this is me.  I am never content, that is my greatest spiritual and emotional battle in life.  But what if, just what if, I am that way for a reason?  Maybe God created me to question these things, I may find a deeper meaning to life than what I have experienced so far.  Yes I know the meaning of a Christian life is to serve, love, believe in, and seek HIM, but doesn't it seem like we spend the vast majority of time on other stuff.  I tweeted a while back that I wanted to live in a commune, how crazy is that, but I really do.  I guess what I am really longing for is time with others, somewhat like minded but not completely, that we can sit around a table and share the deepest desires of our hearts, what we believe, hopefully discuss things that are insanely controversial, and form a friendship that is based on respect not agreement.  Maybe that doesn't really seem to be about Jesus but I think it is totally LIKE Him.  He spent so much time with his disciples and other friends.  Oh my gosh, I wish I could have been in just one of those conversations.

I realize this blog is completely all over the place, as am I.  I have never felt so lost and found at the same time.  I am searching for more meaning in my life and I believe this blog is evolving to be a journal for that.  I really don't find recipes and projects all that interesting.   Please if you think I am insane don't tell me, I would rather not know.   Just a little insight into my day tomorrow.....meeting the love of my life that adores my quirks for lunch and then talking to a travel agent about going to Paris, just to find out how long we will have to save or how many tricks I need to turn, haha, joke;)

Blessings!
Nicole

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